mandy inchaustegui

Every Sunday afternoon, I meet together with some of the most courageous women I know. A year and a half ago, we committed to walk together through a 12 Step journey, working through a variety of life issues such as depression, all sorts of abuse, anger, self-hatred, eating disorders, grief, etc. I’ve seen each of these women bravely open some doors to parts of their lives that they’ve kept closed for a long time…and with good reason. Again, they are some of the most courageous women I know.

Lately, we’ve been talking about doing a “daily inventory” where we evaluate our day, writing it down in a journal and then making amends with people as needed. At first, I wanted to justify not writing stuff down. I’m a mom of two small kids. The only things I write down are lists: grocery lists, to-do lists, and what-I-wish-I-could-do lists. I do not have time to journal.

However, I also hate making amends with people. I think about it in my head for so long that I can finally get to the point of justifying not doing it. Writing it down makes it feel like more of a commitment. I tend to be scared of commitment, especially the humble-“I’m-sorry” kind. Yikes.

I also tend to be slightly verbose. I used to journal and felt like I needed to fill the page full. If I went over to the new page, I had to keep writing to the bottom. It was a little obsessive. Not so sure I want to start that up again.

And then we’re back to that whole commitment thing and having to say, “I’m sorry.” No, thank you.

Yet, I imagine what my life would be like if I would actually do it. Really do it. Evaluate the day, write it down and act on it. It’d be a lot better than how things are now. Living in peaceful relationships sounds pretty freeing. I could use some of that.

So, is it worth it?

Hmmm…

Because I don’t want to get overwhelmed and I also don’t want to be too hard on myself, my daily journal entries are going to look like this:

1. What am I thankful for today?

2. What went well today? How did I love/serve others well?

3. What went wrong that I need to make right?

I’m going to limit myself to 1 or 2 things per question. Fast, quick, manageable. In our program we say, “It works if you work it! It won’t if you don’t!” If it doesn’t work, I guess I’m not really out much. But if it does…totally worth it.