mandy inchaustegui

Lately, our family has been some experiencing some life events that have been pretty painful to walk through. I think the hardest part for me is that they’re completely outside of my realm of control. There’s no one to blame. Nothing to do. It just is the way it is. And it sucks.

Because it’s been a repeated thing, I’ve gone through all the Christian clichés finally gotten to being able to say how I really feel and believe in this moment. It might not be what I’m “supposed” to think or feel, but it’s me. Raw and honest.

I was talking with a friend yesterday and she, in her own frustration of watching me walk through these things (and not being able to fix or stop it), commented that it just doesn’t seem fair because Anthony and I are such “good people.” I told her I know lots of good people who have really crappy stuff happen to them. It’s just part of life. But, as most of you can probably predict, the conversation got me to thinking.

Questions: What makes someone a “good person?” What makes us think that if we’re “good people” (however we define that), that life will most often go well for us? If only bad things happen to people who are making choices that hurt themselves and others, why in the world would anyone continue to live that lifestyle? If being a person who loves and serves others before themselves only brings comfort and safety from anything painful happening, wouldn’t it be a no-brainer to live that life?

I choose to be a “good person” not because that will keep me from pain but because myself and others are guaranteed to experience pain. It is the goodness and beauty in my life that gets me through painful experiences. In the pain, a beauty is created that is beyond myself. It also makes the good things in my life even more beautiful because I have a gratefulness for them, knowing they didn’t come because I “earned” them. I am humbly very very thankful.

Great things happen to “bad people” (I’m using that term very loosly…I don’t believe in “bad people” but that’s a blog for another day). Bad things happen, too. But in the good things, I wonder if there is the beauty of gratitude and generosity. And in the painful things, there is often a cycle of pain that begins that rapidly spirals downward creating more and more pain.

I still ask, “Why me? I try really hard to live a good life.” I think that’s an ok thing to ask. It makes me determined to continue to live that “good life.” Then, the pain isn’t just pain but there is a beauty that comes from it that is completely beyond who I am. It creates a richer beauty than what would be created if only “good things” happened to me.

Pain sucks. What I’m walking through right now is not fun. But my prayer is that my life will be full of goodness, beauty and truth…even in this. Especially in this. It is as if, in the backdrop of such ugliness and pain, the beauty becomes even more magnified. May my life be a work of art, displaying the wonder, beauty and glory of God.